Presenting….

The one and only…

JESUS®

Teaches,Preaches and Heals

The Bible® is the story of a remarkable marketing success. It tells the story of a product that has become one of the greatest products in the history of mankind. That product was of course… Jesus®. The Bible does not deal with merely the launch and life of the product. It also relates the creation of the target market, how the product came to be necessary, the creation of regulatory bodies before the product was conceived, the prediction that such a product would be required and the conceiving of the product itself. The story also talks about the after-effects of the product, and how the world was changed because of it. This article will also examine the consequences of the product after the events of The Bible®

The product did not enjoy mainstream commercial success at launch, although it did have a cult following. Jesus® was accused by the regulatory bodies of not meeting the required standards. But the manufactures used their connections in the higher echelons of power to publish astounding effects of the Jesus® product. These effects were publicized under the name Miracle™.

Jesus® was a multi-tasking product. It could dispense advice, proverbs, quotes from the Old Testament® and could also heal people(using afore-mentioned Miracle™). Jesus® soon had twelve sub-products, collectively called The Twelve Apostles®. These sub-products were not as powerful as Jesus®.

The regulatory authority tried to stop the product from becoming too popular by making it undergo a decommissioning process known as Crucifixion™. This process, while normally effective, however failed to work. The top brass, decided to recall the product. This act was unprecedented, resulting in a massive popularity surge for the product. This increased demand led to the creation of a liaison body called The Church®.

The Church® was a hit with the cult. They managed to get permission to set up branches everywhere. Their marketing method were ingenious. The Church® soon amassed massive profits

To Be Continued

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This is a Work-In-Progress. If you’re offended, then do drop a line. I’m alway interested in meeting people without a sense of humour. I plan to flesh this out properly. I’m going to make this really big. I’ll have to read the Bible a lot more. I’m gonna include parables and miracles and also predictions from the OT and stuff. Watch this space.

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This arose after I saw a heading while reading The Today’s English Version of The Holy Bible. The heading was with reference to Matthew 4.23-4.25. The Heading was Jesus teaches,preaches and heals. It reminded very much of those spoof product titles that I just had to write this. If you can do a better job, please go ahead. Only, please do mention me.

Cheers
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Presenting… by Neelakantan K.K. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 India License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at The Life and Times of Neelakantan.

It just struck me…

The classical Latin for “Good” is Bonus and for “Bad” is Malus. So that could be the basis for a pun.

Q) What would you call a bunch of extra Malayalees?

A) Bonus Mallus.

This would be funny only if a person knew that Malus is the classical Latin for “Bad” and that Bonus is also used to refer to stuff that you got for free or that you got as an extra . And if so, are those romans saying Mallus sunt malus?

Also, the Pun is technically called Paranomasia. That actually sounds like some sort of disease. I think my entire batch suffers from Paranomasia.

Music and Myself.

Saturday I came home.

Today was Monday.

For past two days, I’ve been listening to music and watching TV.

It’s now that I appreciate my PMP. It is really great.

And also VH1.

VH1 has a couple of great programmes now. There’s one called Sunday Brunch on Sunday from 11:00 AM. It features a different artist every week. So far they’ve had Sting, Steven Tyler, Jim Morrison, Freddie Mercury, Bruce Springsteen and Michael Jackson. This Sunday it’s gonna be Madonna so I’m happy to miss it. They talk about the artist, to the artist and show concerts and videos. Quite cool

They’re having a series called “Gods of Guitar” this month. They talk about great guitarists and play videos and concerts. They’ve had David Gilmour, Pink Floyd, John mayer and Eric Clapton. The Pink Floyd episode was cool because they showed a documentary on the making of The Dark Side of the Moon. They showed how they used synthesizers, multi-tracking, adt, flanging and other sound effects on it. I wish Big Al had set that in our course instead of Quadrophenia.

Quadrophenia is good, no denying that but still, The Dark Side of the Moon was released in March 1973 and Quadrophenia in October 1973. The Dark Side of the Moon was recorded at Abbey Road Studios just like Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. The Dark Side of the Moon would have been perfect to show the progression of sonic experimentation that he showed us with The Beatles. The lyrics of both are cool, but The Dark Side of the Moon is a shade better in my opinion.

This week they’re going to show Jimi Hendrix, Deep Purple, Mark Knopfler and someone else whose name I forget. The whole of this week, I think plus Saturday the whole show.

CNN has a show on Iron Maiden on Saturday at 2:00 PM, I think.Check your local listings. It’s called Behind the scenes with Iron Maiden and features backstage footage, concert videos and interviews.

Nat Geo’s Air Crash Investigations are great. The way they examine everything is so professional.

Animal Planet still rocks and so does Discovery.

The History Channel has this cool series called Biography. Today they showed Al Gore. Their Jumbo Movies are also nice.

Meow FM(104.08 FM) may call itself “India’s first just-for-women radio station” but Friday to Tuesday, after 10:00 PM they play cool english songs. Friday they play Old Classics, Saturday Hip-Hop Monday Soft rock and Tuesday Pop. Sunday, they play listener requests. Friday nights they also have a band playing unplugged. One of these played a song by Susheela Raman. Nice songs. A little bird(which is big and bald) informs me that her albums are there on rapidshare and other such sites. I did not tell you anything about where to get them, understand?

Coldplay released their latest single “Violet Hill” from their new album Vida la Vida or Death and All His Friends for free. It was free till May 6th. I have the song. I’ll pass it on, if you want it.

I have to read the Iliad, The Orestia, Book Six of the Aenid, A bunch of Horace’s Odes and two books(Genesis and The Gospel of St.Matthew) and a chapter(Chapter 5 of the Book of Daniel) from The Bible. I’m leaving out The Aenid.

I wonder if I would get marks if I handed in a CD with Manowar’s song Achilles,Agony and Ecstasy in Eight Parts, Blind Guardian’s song And then there was Silence and Led Zeppelin’s song Achilles’ Last Stand. Probably not. BTW, listen to the songs. Quite cool, if you like that sort of thing.

Also managed to find a video of Avial’s Nada Nada

That’s all for now. Chow

Update: Google search informs me that this week, the fourth is Led Zeppelin. Hendrix and Led Zep are going to be Video Shuffle shows. Knopfler and Deep Purple are gonna be Concerts(A Night in London - Knopler, Live in California ‘74 - Deep Purple). Saturday 11:00 AM onwards.

If you were a song…

That’s one of VH1’s ads. I really love it.

I wonder what song I would be?

I suppose that would change according to my mood. But still…

Any suggestions?

Before I die…

I’m going to learn to sing and play the guitar.

Which means I need the following.

• A new ear
• a new larynx
• An acoustic guitar
• An electric guitar
• An e string for my old Lap slide guitar

Hmm…looks achievable.

Waste of time.

Thees is the soometheeng zat Zi seed on mandy,rukmini and sohini’s blogs. I have time. I shall ze do it.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Went to College.
Braved the SBSTC alone.
Did “Stuff” (hush)

2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any. And I shall continue my tradition of not making any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What places did you visit?
Does Calcutta count?

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Ah, I have a list, a little list…

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Any date after 9th July. When I stepped into a department full of loony buns…

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting into JUDE. (How did I manage that?)

9. What was your biggest failure?
I do not remember any thing that might count as a failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The JUDE form.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Certainly not mine.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
Why would someone’s behavior depress me? :O

14. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee, Coffee and more Coffee. (Food can wait, Coffee can’t)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
JUDE.
“Stuff”
Hem Hem

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
I don’t know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Way happier.

18. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner. (if that’s possible)

19. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Nothing. I wanted to do everything I did.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home on the internet I suppose.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
There are some things man was not meant to know…

23. How many one night stands?
Eh? What be those?

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Fate/Stay Night, VH1 Rock Rules and of course Premiership matches.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do not hate anyone. Irritated by people maybe. Hate never.

26. What was the best book you read?
American Psycho, Biographia Literaria…

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Cake, Leonard Cohen and Asher Lane.

28. What did you want and get?
A portable media player.

29. What did you want and not get?
I haven’t tried to get what I want. Since I haven’t tried I haven’t failed yet.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
300. This is Spartaaaaa!!!!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Uni. Bunch of crazy freaks celebrated my birthday. Thanks guys. 18 years old. I’m an adult. Oh No. How did this happen?

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Gak. You expect me to answer?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
You wouldn’t even notice me.

34. What kept you sane?
Excuse me? Sane? I don’t want to be sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have better ways to waste my time. Like sucking on my Lightsaber.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The stupid CPM blackmailing the centre.

37. Who did you miss?
No one.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ah, a bunch of totally random freaks. You know who you are.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
If one door closes, another door opens….
and Mess food is always crappy.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Riders on the storm/ Into this house were born/ Into this world were thrown…”

People who wantz to doo zees are ze mozt bhelcom. Pliss to let me knose. I is liking to reed.

JUDE UGI Theme Song

Our exams ended on the 12th of December. To spend pent-up insanity, we decided to have an end-of-exams party. Bunch all got together at friend’s house. Had random discussions. Got Briyani from outside and ate it. Entertainment at lunch consisted of Weird Yoga on Sanskar, Weird Knee brace ad on Sanskar, Wacko Prosenjit fight scene, Crazy Rajnikant fight scene.

After-lunch entertainment consisted of extremely hilarious YouTube videos. Inspired by these marvelous pieces of brilliance we decided to make our own War Song. And it goes like this

(J-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-DE)

We UG 1s are fine, Benny Lava
Our sem exams are done, Benny Lava
We couldn’t come up with a line, Benny Lava
Give us some weed and wine, Benny Lava

Have you been high today….?

Why are we acting gay….?

Some people one day said-
“We wish you all were dead”…

We’re going out to pee on them tonight! (repeat four times)

It is not complete yet. It shall soon be. Also we have made up wacko war dance to go with it.

This is a rehearsal of the song. Statutory Warning:: You might die of laughter.

Nice ain’t it.

Puff away pain :: Shit I’ve written

I was feeling bored so was reading other people’s blogs. While reading Abhijan’s blog, I came across this post. I quite liked it. Suddenly I decided to write something similar. But I did not want to make it a blog post. Then I remembered my deviantART account. So I fired it up and wrote a lot.

Here it is

I must say, it is a departure from my usual style (If I have one). Also, I’m modestly proud of it. Also, It’s completely fictional.

Do tell me what you think of it.

The Studying starts now.

It has suddenly dawned upon me that the end-sems start in ~10 more days. Gah. Hence I will start studying.

Now since I can’t possibly hope to study everything in the syllabus– I wouldn’t remember even if I did–and I don’t think they expect us to do so, I have decided to study only that which I like and leave out the rest. They can go take a hike.

Hence from “English Literature 1760-1830″ I will be studying

• Samuel Taylor Coleridge
• Percy Bysshe Shelley
• George Gordon Byron
• Emma by Jane Austen
• Rights of man by Thomas Paine

From “English Literature 1830-1900″ I will be studying

• Alfred Lord Tennyson
• Matthew Arnold
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
• “The Hero as Prophet” from “On Heroes, Hero-Worship, and the Heroic in History” by Thomas Carlyle

It has to start somewhere
It has to start sometime
What better place than here
What better time than now

::Rage Against The Machine

Random, nonsensical post.

Winamp:: It really whips the Llama’s ass.

Yes, I am a Winamp user. I do not like WMP. It’s good but nothing compared to Winamp. Especially after v5.5 The plugins available for Winamp are just too cool. And the new Bento skin is just uber. But the feature that I really adore in Winamp is “Global Hotkeys”. You can control Winamp with the Keyboard, no matter which software you’re using. Add to the fact that it sits nicely in the System Tray….

Check out the Bento Skin

The pictures of the mouse have unfortunately not come out well. In fact, they have come out awful. So no pics of mouse.

However…..

We do have pictures of a calotes in the Bougainvillea.