Presenting….

The one and only…

JESUS®

Teaches,Preaches and Heals

The Bible® is the story of a remarkable marketing success. It tells the story of a product that has become one of the greatest products in the history of mankind. That product was of course… Jesus®. The Bible does not deal with merely the launch and life of the product. It also relates the creation of the target market, how the product came to be necessary, the creation of regulatory bodies before the product was conceived, the prediction that such a product would be required and the conceiving of the product itself. The story also talks about the after-effects of the product, and how the world was changed because of it. This article will also examine the consequences of the product after the events of The Bible®

The product did not enjoy mainstream commercial success at launch, although it did have a cult following. Jesus® was accused by the regulatory bodies of not meeting the required standards. But the manufactures used their connections in the higher echelons of power to publish astounding effects of the Jesus® product. These effects were publicized under the name Miracle™.

Jesus® was a multi-tasking product. It could dispense advice, proverbs, quotes from the Old Testament® and could also heal people(using afore-mentioned Miracle™). Jesus® soon had twelve sub-products, collectively called The Twelve Apostles®. These sub-products were not as powerful as Jesus®.

The regulatory authority tried to stop the product from becoming too popular by making it undergo a decommissioning process known as Crucifixion™. This process, while normally effective, however failed to work. The top brass, decided to recall the product. This act was unprecedented, resulting in a massive popularity surge for the product. This increased demand led to the creation of a liaison body called The Church®.

The Church® was a hit with the cult. They managed to get permission to set up branches everywhere. Their marketing method were ingenious. The Church® soon amassed massive profits

To Be Continued

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This is a Work-In-Progress. If you’re offended, then do drop a line. I’m alway interested in meeting people without a sense of humour. I plan to flesh this out properly. I’m going to make this really big. I’ll have to read the Bible a lot more. I’m gonna include parables and miracles and also predictions from the OT and stuff. Watch this space.

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This arose after I saw a heading while reading The Today’s English Version of The Holy Bible. The heading was with reference to Matthew 4.23-4.25. The Heading was Jesus teaches,preaches and heals. It reminded very much of those spoof product titles that I just had to write this. If you can do a better job, please go ahead. Only, please do mention me. πŸ™‚

Cheers
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Presenting… by Neelakantan K.K. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 India License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at The Life and Times of Neelakantan.

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6 Responses to “Presenting….”

  1. Prayag Says:

    Hahaha πŸ˜€ This is brilliant. Goodstuff.

  2. Neelakantan K.K. Says:

    Heh heh. Thankoo. πŸ˜€

  3. Rukmini Says:

    I’m not offended. But I thought I’d leave a line, anyway. This is Gospel According to St.Matthew, retold. Also, how would you explain the Fables?

  4. Neelakantan K.K. Says:

    I’ll find a way. I have the Good News. πŸ˜‰

  5. Rukmini Says:

    Wait. Correction: I meant “parables”. NOT “Fables”. πŸ˜›

  6. Reeti Says:

    I am very offended…now defend yourself,mortal!

    *brandishes wand*


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