So it’s been more than a month since I posted anything on this blog. Would you look at that?!?
It’s not like I couldn’t have. It’s just that I didn’t. Because I didn’t really have anything to say. I still don’t. I’m just going to write a bunch of random shit so that I don’t get killed. (I’m writing a blog post. I never said it would be a good post!)
It sometimes strikes me that I am now 21. Actually it only started striking me about three weeks ago since before that it would strike me that I was now 20 years old. Note how I sneaked in the fact that it was my birthday three weeks ago. It’s because I can do such shit that I am well nigh indestructible. It’s also why The Internet works!
No, seriously! I’m 21 now. Somehow I feel I should be having a more complicated life. A life filled with more complex problems than at present. My life right now is basically the “Don’t Hurt Me” level of Wolfenstein 3D whereas it should ideally be the “I’m Death Incarnate!” level or at least “Bring ‘Em On” but at least it’s not “Can I Play, Daddy?” which now I think about it just sounds wrong. My eight-year old brain never really though about it. But then I never played that level. I generally was “Bring ‘Em On” except this one time I played “I’m Death Incarnate” which lasted all of five minutes. Which is credible given that you start out with 30 health, one knife, one pistol and a dead guard. And then you have to cross at least five rooms before you come to the food. Under such circumstances, I think five minutes was pretty good.
So as I was saying, problems! They’re too retarded and asinine. Every problem I can think of seems retarded. I should just write a self-help book and earn pots of cash. I’ll call it something retarded like “Nothing is Everything” or something along those lines. Did I tell you I’d be rich? No? Damn!
This blog post has been written so that You won’t kill me. I always wanted to write something like that. Every time I see a blog post where there’s a mention of a You, I wear my brains out imagining all possibilities. Then I give it up as a bad job and go read some funny shit on the Internet! so remember, if You write a blogpost and address it to some mystical You, I’ll end up reading funny shit. You were expecting some tragic event to happen? Perhaps kitten holocaust? Not all my tales end in blood and apocalypse you know.
While on the topic of funny shit, Cracked.com is hilarious! I don’t know what I did with my time before it existed! Possibly I did constructive things, but constructive things are so Out!
There is really nothing much to day anymore. I guess the Zombies decided to cut my thinking break short and are about to repossess my brains! Run while there is still time! We’re all going to end up dead and Undead and craving brains… in a post-Internet world! We’ll starve to… wait…we’ll be dead anyway! So we’ll just starve for all eternity? That ain’t cool!
Okay, so all my stories do end in blood and gore. You were right.
You’re wondering who the You is, aren’t you? Admit it now. I know you are!