Sedate walking just ain’t my thing.

I’m supposed to be studying but that is obviously not happening. What I have been doing however is wasting time on the internet and other such things. I have also been running around the house.

Now when I say “running around the house” I mean running. I keep running about, jumping over chairs, bounding up the stairs and generally being a hazard. However I have not been injured.

This evening however…

I was standing in the kitchen talking to my parents. I took a step forward in a calm, measured, sedate manner… and then there’s a moment when I think the world’s suddenly tilted around and then I’m on the floor.

It seems I had slipped on some water, and while trying to regain my balance I caught my foot in this contraption the maidservant uses to cart vessels around and hence I ended up on the floor.

I discovered that I had managed to acquire a barcodesque abrasion on my right wrist and a cut on my foot. I have no idea how I got those. I suppose I got those while obeying gravity. Along the way I also managed to injure my father.

It was an interesting experience, especially since it was completely unexpected. It’s been some time since fell. The last time I fell was when I fell out of that tree at The Indian Botanic Gardens. This was more entertaining. I felt like I was flying when I fell out of that tree. This time I felt confused, as if someone had suddenly decided to change the orientation of the world and forgot to tell me.

I also burst out laughing when I realised I was on the floor in a tangled heap- the constituents of the heap being myself, The Contraption and a karai. My mother, not to be outdone, asks me “Did you fall?”. I’m on the floor in a tangled heap when she says this.

In other news- I feel old. It’s almost the end of 5th Semester. It seems like only yesterday that it was 1st Semester. It’ll soon be 2010. I left school in 2007. That’s a long time ago. 1999 was ten years ago. 1999 seems like a couple of days ago. I find it hard to think of the time period 1996-2007 as a long time ago. I can’t remember a single thing about those years. They’re all a confused mish-mash in my head. I have no distinct, individual memories of those years but those years just seem very recent.

Soon It’ll be 6th Semester and I’ll have graduated. Then it’ll be time to face life. Peter Pan has all the luck.

More In other news I have a strange desire to watch Ninja Assassin. It just looks like a cool, mindless movie. Plus it has Ninjas. How can anything be bad if it has Ninjas? (Enter The Ninja was not bad. It was hilarious!)

I have decided not to watch 2012. I shall watch Ninja Assassin instead.

Even more In other news I’m getting a blister on my thumb. I will get the posters of our Macbeth project printed. They cost only Rs.40 each. There are six of them so that’s Rs.240. I can manage that. They’re damn cool. I’ll put up some once I get the soft copies. They have come out nicely, even if I do say so myself. πŸ˜€

Some more In other News I’ve… no that’s about it. I’ve said all I’ve had to say. Oh wait no.

Shoutout All you Lurkers… Delurk!

Yeah, that’s about it.

I shall now waste time on the internet.

Spend some part of a Durga Puja in Kolkata? Check!

All right, so I can cross that off my list. It’s just bigger, noisier and with the right kind of people around, funner.

My mother has gone crazy. For the first time in twenty years, she has decided to display a Golu. And she has done so. And she has started buying dolls with a vengeance. Today she went and bought a pair of the most creepy-ass dolls ever imagined by a doll-maker tripping on acid and pissed off with life.

Let me give you a word picture(I’ll put up a real picture later).

The dolls are a big ol’ turbaned, mustachioed North Indian and his grinning, made up, fat-ass wife. The wife has a grin which would scare the shit out of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.# To add to the horror, Their heads are mounted on a coiled piece of metal so that they fucking loll about as if The Headless Horseman was having a bad day

Yes, Interesting times we live in.

Also, Would you agree that the most frustrating thing possible is when you reach the counter and it closes for lunch? (Yes/No)

Speaking of which, Women should not be allowed to man counters selling bus tickets. When you are standing in a line waiting to catch a bus quickly, you do not want to listen to a bunch of women exclaiming “Oma! Ki Shundor!” and forgetting that they’re supposed to be handing people bus tickets!. You won’t catch men doing that. They may be just lazy, inefficient and corrupt but at least they won’t forget about doing their job. They will willfully ignore it. That’s different.

# Also check out the picture in the wiki article on Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. If that’s not gay…

Posted in Myself. Tags: , , . 11 Comments »

Stop That!

I’m sure everyone remembers this song. If you don’t… Well, then you’re one of those people born after this song went out of fashion(Which would be around 2000 CE)

It was released in 1995 so it had a good run.

I remember Devang Patel had a lot of other funny stuff.

I couldn’t find the lyrics online so I sat down and took them down

Stop That….

Maen Apne sar pe haath rakhke kasam khata hoon ki maen jo kuch bhi kahunga sach kahonga aur sach ke siva aur kuch bhi nahin kahoonga

lekin maen jabhi kisi se kuch kehene jaata hoon to woh log mujhe bol deten hain…

Stop That!

Meri batein sun kar dekho hasna nahin
Usse jhoot maan kar kahin phasna nahin
Maen sab sach kehata hoon, Aap ki kasam
Maene piya nahin whiskey, beer ya rum

Madhuri Dixit mili raste mein
Khaye chane humne sazte mein
Usne kaha tere sang shaadi rachaoon
Ghar tere aake mein parathe pakoon

Madhuri ko kaha maene, Ghar na aana
Sridevi ko bol diya, Na baba na

Chahe Dahej mein de mujhe
sone ki car
Ya aake koi dede mujhe
heeron ka haar

par shaadi ke liye
maen to kaccha hoon
Abhi sau saal ka
Chotta baccha hoon

Mere daddu, pehen diaper
chasme pur unke Wiper
Daddy ki, tooti haddi
Jab khele woh kabbadi

Maene Everest pe football khela hae
Maene haathon se train ko dhakela haen
kushtand Daara Singh mera chela haen
Mere ghodon ka Chaand pe tabela haen

—Interlude—

Dhirubai Ambanai leke aaye Cycle
Chaye peegaye toh dena para mujhe bill
Harshad Mehta mila mujhe Mandir ke dwaar
Paanch rupaye maange usne mujhse udhaar

Blank Cheque deke maene Sign kar di
Harshad ne usme se suit case kharidi

Ab Income pe koi tax nahin hoga
aur Sau ke note pe mera photo hoga

Rishwat compulsory karne bara abhiyaye hoga
Sab Mantriyon ka dress chaddi baniyan hoga

Neta Jo chunav haara
Sar mundwa lega saara
Jo dega jhoote bhashan
na milega use rashun (*ration)

gharwaali milegi sabko goongi
Police pehanenge ab sirf lungi
Doctor mufat mein operation karenge
Sarkari karmachari ab kaam karenge

—Interlude—

Andhe ne kaha chalo film dekhe
Langda bola nahin aaja football sikhe
ganja puche kahan gaya mera kangha
loole ne mara mukka to hua danga

Supari khake buddha mare pichkari
Sale(?) maene dekha use ek aankh maari

Goonga bina sur taal gaane laga gaan
suna behere ne band kiye apne kaan

Kabhi ek tingu ped se giraye nariyal
ab se zyada bache walon ko to ho jayegi jail

Pagal bhi chess khele
Cirket khelega Pele
Ms. India rakkhe Daaddi
Rambo pehenega Saari

Big(?) hone par sabke height kategi
Shuddh hawa pe sarkar tax rakhegi
sikke boune se paison ki bel kheligi
Cycle ke liye permit milegi

—-Interlude———–

Aa raha hain mera ek picture nayan
Bachchan hai villian aur heroine jaya
Subhash Ghai ne jab mujhe sign kiya
Saath baithe hum donon ne wine piya

Jackie Chan ko sikhayi maene fight action
Mere gaanon ko churaye Michael Jackson

Actor nahin Maen Cricketer bhi hoon
Maen to Kapil se badhiya hard-hitter bhi hoon
Tabhi ghabrakar Kambli naen shout kiya
Jab Sachin ko maene bowled out kiya

Maen aur Ratan Tata
Jab lene gaye atta
Chakki pe baithe Tyson
Sabko bech raha tha Besan

P.T.usha ne mujhe drink cold diya tha
Jab Olympic ke daud mein maene Gold liya tha
Ek jyotish ne jab mera hath dekha tha
naun hathon ko hi mere jaisa aisa kaha tha

Meri batein sun kar dekho hasna nahin
Usse jhoot maan kar kahin phasna nahin
Maen sab sach kehata hoon, Aap ki kasam
Maene piya nahin whiskey, beer ya rum

Stop That…

My aim is to memorize this song.

I’ll post later about this song and Devang Patel

Maybe we should analyse this song. It would be a lot of fun.

Do YOU know about Jink?

This happened about three months back, when I used to get up in the morning and go for basketball. I still get up in the morning, however I haven’t played basketball in a long time. Anyway back to the show…

Now when I said I get up in the morning and go for basketball, you might have got an image of me leaping out of bed, rushing through my morning activities, putting on expensive sports gear and dashing out the door. Perish the thought. I would drag myself out of bed, sleepily brush my teeth, wear whatever t-shirt I was wearing the day before, pull on a pair of socks, wear my shoes and trudge to the University.

That day I went through the same routine. I got there at around 6:45 AM. Everything clear so far? It’s 6:45 AM. I’m wearing shorts and a Tee. My hair’s uncombed. It’s 6:45 AM. I’m wearing shoes and socks. All right, let’s move on…

Rukmini and Priyanka turned up sometime later. We started cursing the Mancha for being late. He had the basketball so we couldn’t even start playing. So we were sitting under a tree, waiting for him.

Many people come to Jadavpur University for their morning walk. They consist mainly of Old people, Middle-aged people and young lunatics. These people will walk around campus four or five times. The Old people will sit down and start chatting, the middle-aged people will head off to work, the young lunatics… I don’t know what they do but I assume they go off and indulge in nefarious activities.

Anyway, Around 7:20 AM I’m waiting near the field, when this old gentleman barmy old codger walks up to me. I’m thinking “Oh, here’s an old man coming to ask for directions”.

Here I must digress. It seems to me that I get asked for directions a bit too much. I don’t know if I’m imagining things. probably I am. I also seem to get asked the time of the day a bit too much. I wonder why.

So where were we? Ah yes, The old guy is walking up to me. So he walks up, looks at me and then asks…

Excuse me, Could you tell me where I might find someone who could tell me about Jink

.

If you’re thinking I was startled, you’re right. I was. It’s 7:20 in the morning. I’m very sleepy. And here’s some old dude asking us about Zinc! I wonder why he chose us.

We politely replied that perhaps the Metallurgy Department could answer whatever queries he had about Zinc. This old man then went on to explain why he wanted to know about Zinc. Among other things, it was his opinion that there was tremendous potential for Zinc in India. “There is only one Jink plant in India” he said, “and there is great market for Jink.”

So far he hasn’t made any sense. I don’t know why he was talking about Zinc. And I don’t know why he chose us to expound on his views about Zinc. I am fairly confident none of us had a sign saying We Love Zinc or Zinc or Zwim. And yet, he insisted on talking about Zinc.

By this time Sandy had arrived, and he had no clue what was going on. He stood behind the old man and kept making weird gestures. And I had to try very hard not to laugh.

Finally the old man left after having freaked us out completely. And then we spent the rest of the day talking about Jink-Man.

And Jink-Banana-Man. But that’s another story for another day.

And remember, there is great potential for Jink in India.

Google Trends to pass the time…

Results for Search Term “Pornography” in India

Results for Search Term “Porn” in India

The following things can be interpreted from these two graphs.

  • Indians in 2004 had a better vocabulary than in 2009.
  • Calcuttans have a better vocabulary than Delhiites, Mumbaiites and Bhopalites
  • More and more people are favoring the word “Porn” instead of “Pornography”
  • I’m am extremely bored

These are the inferences that I draw from this data.

Posted in Myself. Tags: , . 2 Comments »

I can say that The iron has entered my sole.

I went and got a haircut today. I went in the evening. After putting it off for months… I feel strange.

The barber…I mean hairdresser umm… follicle engineer(?) asked me if my head didn’t feel heavy. I said no,no, no. Well actually I just gave him a glance, which he missed. Damn!

I was walking back when I felt a sharp pain in my foot. I looked down to find a nail had entered my foot. Let me tell you, it doesn’t pain while it’s in there but try taking it out and it biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder. This bhadro, bangali budho stopped to ask me what was wrong with my foot. I told him a nail had entered my foot. Guess what he did?

He said “oh” with a blank expression and walked off. Strange. I came home, took out the nail and went and got a tetvac.

I wonder if Jesus took a tetvac after he was resurrected. But then again, 24 hours had elapsed. Also he was already dead.

I am now holy… in two places.

The hole truth.

I will be thinking about hole and puncture jokes all night.

Additions to my room.

My room has undergone some changes. There is now a Shakespeare International Conference poster stuck to a wall.

The conference’s official name was Staged Encounters : History, Society, Identity and Shakespeare. I have a poster of it because I volunteered to help with the Conference and then whacked a poster. It looks quite nice. The Conference was also a lot of fun. Sukantada‘s paper was brilliant. Supriyadi‘s paper was also brilliant. There were other very nice papers. Swapanda‘s paper was also brilliant I’m told. I missed it however. 😦

The University Guest House makes awful Chinese (or is it chinis) food. They should be shot for preparing such atrocious Chinese food.

Milonda‘s Seminar Brew a.k.a. Chaffee was better than usual. Chaffee is this strange concoction that Milonda provides. It does not matter whether you asked him to provide tea or coffee. He will provide chaffee. It is a strange mix of Milonda‘s cha ( Itself a hideous, foul excrement) , very bad Coffee and bits of whatever Milonda was serving before he started making your supply of Seminar Brew. We got cha, coffee and chicken kebab.

The University Guest House provides Coffee or Tea. Their coffee(or tea) is however sometimes contaminated with soup. We once got Tomato soup flavoured coffee and Onion flavoured tea. Their Coffee( and Tea) is worse than Milonda‘s.

The only place that serves good tea on Campus is the Hostel Canteen( a.k.a. Sujitda‘s). The canteen is damn cheap, and fairly good. It’s not great but it’s not bad.

You cannot get good coffee on campus.

Moving on…

An electricity meter now graces my wall. Yes, you read right, An electricity meter. You know, those things that are kept by the electricity company inside your house so that they know how much to charge you.

I did not have to break open the meter box or commit some illegal act to obtain this meter. DPL replaced all the analog meters in everybody’s house with brand new digital meters. I presume their logic is that Digital meters are more difficult to tamper with. Anyway, the old meter was left lying around, so I whacked it and hung it from a nail. It looks damn cool, I must say.

My room is looking strangely nice. πŸ™‚