Do YOU know about Jink?

This happened about three months back, when I used to get up in the morning and go for basketball. I still get up in the morning, however I haven’t played basketball in a long time. Anyway back to the show…

Now when I said I get up in the morning and go for basketball, you might have got an image of me leaping out of bed, rushing through my morning activities, putting on expensive sports gear and dashing out the door. Perish the thought. I would drag myself out of bed, sleepily brush my teeth, wear whatever t-shirt I was wearing the day before, pull on a pair of socks, wear my shoes and trudge to the University.

That day I went through the same routine. I got there at around 6:45 AM. Everything clear so far? It’s 6:45 AM. I’m wearing shorts and a Tee. My hair’s uncombed. It’s 6:45 AM. I’m wearing shoes and socks. All right, let’s move on…

Rukmini and Priyanka turned up sometime later. We started cursing the Mancha for being late. He had the basketball so we couldn’t even start playing. So we were sitting under a tree, waiting for him.

Many people come to Jadavpur University for their morning walk. They consist mainly of Old people, Middle-aged people and young lunatics. These people will walk around campus four or five times. The Old people will sit down and start chatting, the middle-aged people will head off to work, the young lunatics… I don’t know what they do but I assume they go off and indulge in nefarious activities.

Anyway, Around 7:20 AM I’m waiting near the field, when this old gentleman barmy old codger walks up to me. I’m thinking “Oh, here’s an old man coming to ask for directions”.

Here I must digress. It seems to me that I get asked for directions a bit too much. I don’t know if I’m imagining things. probably I am. I also seem to get asked the time of the day a bit too much. I wonder why.

So where were we? Ah yes, The old guy is walking up to me. So he walks up, looks at me and then asks…

Excuse me, Could you tell me where I might find someone who could tell me about Jink

.

If you’re thinking I was startled, you’re right. I was. It’s 7:20 in the morning. I’m very sleepy. And here’s some old dude asking us about Zinc! I wonder why he chose us.

We politely replied that perhaps the Metallurgy Department could answer whatever queries he had about Zinc. This old man then went on to explain why he wanted to know about Zinc. Among other things, it was his opinion that there was tremendous potential for Zinc in India. “There is only one Jink plant in India” he said, “and there is great market for Jink.”

So far he hasn’t made any sense. I don’t know why he was talking about Zinc. And I don’t know why he chose us to expound on his views about Zinc. I am fairly confident none of us had a sign saying We Love Zinc or Zinc or Zwim. And yet, he insisted on talking about Zinc.

By this time Sandy had arrived, and he had no clue what was going on. He stood behind the old man and kept making weird gestures. And I had to try very hard not to laugh.

Finally the old man left after having freaked us out completely. And then we spent the rest of the day talking about Jink-Man.

And Jink-Banana-Man. But that’s another story for another day.

And remember, there is great potential for Jink in India.

They have a point.

I was reading the Conservapedia articles on stuff like Atheism, God, Jesus Christ,Examples of Bias in Wikipedia and The Theory of Evolution.

Mainly it’s what you’d expect from an Americentric socially conservative and Conservative Christian point of view. Their theories are full of shit. They only show studies which support their view. And of course, lots of self-righteous judgement.To quote an article

The is considerable amount of scientific evidence that suggest that theism is more conducive to mental and physical health than atheism.

It’s actually a lot of crap. Read the articles if you want to laugh.

Although what’s scary is that unlike Uncyclopedia, which is pure satire, these people are serious about what they write. They actually believe in all of this. I don’t really have a problem with that, since that’s their belief system. But it’s sad how they refuse to accept other points-of-view. Can’t see much progress if everybody remains so close-minded.

Also some of their articles state theories that are well, not proven. In their article on abortion they state that

The vast majority of scientific studies have shown that abortion causes an increase in breast cancer, including 16 out of 17 statistically significant studies. Studies showing that abortion increases breast cancer predate the political controversy.It is undisputed that childbirth protects against breast cancer, and thus early termination of pregnancy must increase the risk of cancer for the mother compared to carrying that same pregnancy to birth. Yet the abortion industry conceals this increased risk, just as the tobacco industry concealed its cancer risk for decades.

I wonder how they decided how statistically significant a study was. Also I wonder if they took other factors into account. In the article I couldn’t find anything that said so.

And the article on Gender Differences states that

Gender differences between men and women have been known since antiquity. Man are more masculine (manly), and women are more feminine. Not only are their physical bodies different, but there are significant character differences as well. This makes sense, because God made men and women “in his image” (Genesis 1:27) so as to reflect his divine nature. (Romans 1:20)

.

Oh and did you know that Homosexual have an agenda? Yes, according to this article they did.

I don’t have anything against the site. After all, no one’s forcing me to read anything on it. In fact there’s nothing wrong with it.

Yet, it just doesn’t feel right. Reading it makes no sense. Trying to understand why anyone would write anything that only states a biased point of view is hard. This is especially ironic since it was formed because they claimed Wikipedia was biased. πŸ™„

Oh well. There’s always Uncyclopedia.

Presenting….

The one and only…

JESUS®

Teaches,Preaches and Heals

The Bible® is the story of a remarkable marketing success. It tells the story of a product that has become one of the greatest products in the history of mankind. That product was of course… Jesus®. The Bible does not deal with merely the launch and life of the product. It also relates the creation of the target market, how the product came to be necessary, the creation of regulatory bodies before the product was conceived, the prediction that such a product would be required and the conceiving of the product itself. The story also talks about the after-effects of the product, and how the world was changed because of it. This article will also examine the consequences of the product after the events of The Bible®

The product did not enjoy mainstream commercial success at launch, although it did have a cult following. Jesus® was accused by the regulatory bodies of not meeting the required standards. But the manufactures used their connections in the higher echelons of power to publish astounding effects of the Jesus® product. These effects were publicized under the name Miracle™.

Jesus® was a multi-tasking product. It could dispense advice, proverbs, quotes from the Old Testament® and could also heal people(using afore-mentioned Miracle™). Jesus® soon had twelve sub-products, collectively called The Twelve Apostles®. These sub-products were not as powerful as Jesus®.

The regulatory authority tried to stop the product from becoming too popular by making it undergo a decommissioning process known as Crucifixion™. This process, while normally effective, however failed to work. The top brass, decided to recall the product. This act was unprecedented, resulting in a massive popularity surge for the product. This increased demand led to the creation of a liaison body called The Church®.

The Church® was a hit with the cult. They managed to get permission to set up branches everywhere. Their marketing method were ingenious. The Church® soon amassed massive profits

To Be Continued

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This is a Work-In-Progress. If you’re offended, then do drop a line. I’m alway interested in meeting people without a sense of humour. I plan to flesh this out properly. I’m going to make this really big. I’ll have to read the Bible a lot more. I’m gonna include parables and miracles and also predictions from the OT and stuff. Watch this space.

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This arose after I saw a heading while reading The Today’s English Version of The Holy Bible. The heading was with reference to Matthew 4.23-4.25. The Heading was Jesus teaches,preaches and heals. It reminded very much of those spoof product titles that I just had to write this. If you can do a better job, please go ahead. Only, please do mention me. πŸ™‚

Cheers
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Presenting… by Neelakantan K.K. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 India License.
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Die, You freak. :: Shit I’ve written.

Warning :: This work could seriously disturb you, or make you laugh at the juvenile way in which it’s written. It’s not complete I think. I could add stuff to it. Let’s just call it first draft.

Here it is.

Tell me what you think.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , . 8 Comments »

Waste of time.

Thees is the soometheeng zat Zi seed on mandy,rukmini and sohini’s blogs. I have time. I shall ze do it.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Went to College.
Braved the SBSTC alone.
Did “Stuff” (hush)

2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any. And I shall continue my tradition of not making any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What places did you visit?
Does Calcutta count?

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Ah, I have a list, a little list…

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Any date after 9th July. When I stepped into a department full of loony buns… πŸ˜›

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting into JUDE. (How did I manage that?)

9. What was your biggest failure?
I do not remember any thing that might count as a failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The JUDE form. πŸ˜›

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Certainly not mine. πŸ˜›

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
Why would someone’s behavior depress me? :O

14. Where did most of your money go?
Coffee, Coffee and more Coffee. (Food can wait, Coffee can’t)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
JUDE.
“Stuff”
Hem Hem

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
I don’t know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Way happier.

18. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner. (if that’s possible)

19. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Nothing. I wanted to do everything I did.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home on the internet I suppose.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
There are some things man was not meant to know…

23. How many one night stands?
Eh? What be those?

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Fate/Stay Night, VH1 Rock Rules and of course Premiership matches.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do not hate anyone. Irritated by people maybe. Hate never.

26. What was the best book you read?
American Psycho, Biographia Literaria…

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Cake, Leonard Cohen and Asher Lane.

28. What did you want and get?
A portable media player.

29. What did you want and not get?
I haven’t tried to get what I want. Since I haven’t tried I haven’t failed yet.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
300. This is Spartaaaaa!!!!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Uni. Bunch of crazy freaks celebrated my birthday. Thanks guys. πŸ™‚ 18 years old. I’m an adult. Oh No. How did this happen?

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Gak. You expect me to answer?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
You wouldn’t even notice me.

34. What kept you sane?
Excuse me? Sane? I don’t want to be sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have better ways to waste my time. Like sucking on my Lightsaber.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The stupid CPM blackmailing the centre.

37. Who did you miss?
No one.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ah, a bunch of totally random freaks. You know who you are. πŸ˜‰

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
If one door closes, another door opens….
and Mess food is always crappy.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Riders on the storm/ Into this house were born/ Into this world were thrown…”

People who wantz to doo zees are ze mozt bhelcom. Pliss to let me knose. I is liking to reed.

JUDE UGI Theme Song

Our exams ended on the 12th of December. To spend pent-up insanity, we decided to have an end-of-exams party. Bunch all got together at friend’s house. Had random discussions. Got Briyani from outside and ate it. Entertainment at lunch consisted of Weird Yoga on Sanskar, Weird Knee brace ad on Sanskar, Wacko Prosenjit fight scene, Crazy Rajnikant fight scene.

After-lunch entertainment consisted of extremely hilarious YouTube videos. Inspired by these marvelous pieces of brilliance we decided to make our own War Song. And it goes like this

(J-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-DE)

We UG 1s are fine, Benny Lava
Our sem exams are done, Benny Lava
We couldn’t come up with a line, Benny Lava
Give us some weed and wine, Benny Lava

Have you been high today….?

Why are we acting gay….?

Some people one day said-
“We wish you all were dead”…

We’re going out to pee on them tonight! (repeat four times)

It is not complete yet. It shall soon be. Also we have made up wacko war dance to go with it.

This is a rehearsal of the song. Statutory Warning:: You might die of laughter.

Nice ain’t it. πŸ˜›

Oh Well, wherever, wherever you are….

Iron Maiden’s gonna get you

Yes. Iron Maiden shall get you, no matter where you are. 😈

If you have just crawled out from under a rock, or are one of those who think Justin Timberlake is a rock star πŸ™„ Then Know that Iron Maiden is a Metal God. One of the most influential and successful Heavy Metal bands in history, Iron Maiden have contributed to the rise of Heavy Metal in a way that very few can match. Part of the NWOBHM, Iron Maiden have gone on to become one of the Ubergroups of Metal and Rock.

Why this sudden outpouring of praise? No reason, Just that since the Honours papers are over, I have been blowing my eardrums out by listening to Iron Maiden and Dloading their songs.

Iron Maiden’s songs are not your typical Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll songs. They take their history and literature seriously. I mean, Just look at some of the themes that their songs deal with…

  • The Iron Maiden ( a 17th century torture device)
  • The Phantom of the Opera (A gothic novel)
  • The Prodigal Son (The New Testament guy)
  • Murders in the Rue Morgue (An Edgar Allen Poe story)
  • Hallowed be thy name (dealing with the feelings of a man about to be executed)
  • Number of the beast (Against Satanic Rituals)
  • The Flight of Icarus (From Greek Mythology)
  • The Trooper (about the Battle of Balaclava in 1854 during the Crimean War)
  • Quest for fire ( based on mankind’s discovery of fire)
  • Where Eagles dare ( Based on the Clint Eastwood movie)
  • 2 Minutes to midnight (based on the Doomsday clock)
  • The Duellists (Bruce Dickinson is a fencer)
  • Alexander the great (based on the great conqueror)
  • Fear of the dark (supposed to be based on Steve Harris’s fear of the dark as a child)

and of course…
Rime of the ancient mariner. The entire poem told in a 14 minutes heavy metal song. Head-banging poetry. So cool, I love it. Harris managed to get the poem into a heavy metal song.

Of course, All of Iron Maiden’s songs have some theme or other, These are just some of the songs I’ve heard or have. Not an extensive list I know.

And it’s not just the themes…the innovative riffs, beautiful guitar solos, the structuring of the songs, I could go on and on.

Of these my Faves are Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Hallowed be thy name and Number of the beast.

Could someone get me Iron Maiden’s song “Iron Maiden” from their album “Iron Maiden”? I can’t find it anywhere except on sites which only let me listen to it, not DLoad it. πŸ˜₯

PS: Anyone who disagrees with my opinion of Iron Maiden shall be eaten alive by me. You have been warned.

PPS: If you don’t know about the themes in the song, use Wikipedia.